wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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