Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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