We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
