Your dad touched me again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
