The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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