She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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