He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
