I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
