why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
