I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
