We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
