What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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