these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
