Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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