did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And then my night got REAL pukey
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
