This girl is more easily done than said...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
