Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
