can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
