That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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