All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
