im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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