***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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