Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
