I have demons in me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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