Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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