the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
