Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize