I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
