Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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