So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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