Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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