Where did you get a picture of my penis
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize