I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
