I wish I could teleport
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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