we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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