this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
