I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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