I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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