loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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