Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
