I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
