we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
