i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
