theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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