No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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