piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
