I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
