how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
