Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
