please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
