We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
