Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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