Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
