I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
