Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
