I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
