the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
