I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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