Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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