Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
