Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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