Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
