The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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