Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
