i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
