In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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