Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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