I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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