I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
