Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
