Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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