I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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