I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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