i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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