arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
