OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
