just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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