I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
