I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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