I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
