They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
