Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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