Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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