i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
