If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need water and some morals
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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