oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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