3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
