At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
