I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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